People have asked me, "Did you see signs? Any red flags before you got married?" I wish I could say, "No... it came completely out of left field!" But in full transparency, there were red flags. A whole hell of a lot of them. I chose not to see them. I'm not sure why - I wasn't blinded by love. I was coming out of a long on again/ off again unfaithful relationship and felt like I was behind in life compared to my friends. He was the first man to offer me what I wanted - marriage, family, commitment. So I took it, thinking that I could deal with the crazy. And I mean crazy. Two months into dating, he suddenly sold every piece of furniture in his apartment and announced it was time for us to move into my condo together... we had never discussed it. Once there, he read my high school diary and blew up because of how I wrote about my boyfriend's pretty blue eyes when I was 16. He'd storm out "to go to the club" (I can't roll my eyes hard enough) if he found out I had an innocuous conversation with another man. He would lash out and start a 3-day long fight if he didn't like my word choice. These toddler-like temper tantrums were beyond dramatic. He wanted me to chase him, beg him to come back, and dish out huge doses of gushy reassurance.
What in the actual f....
This wasn't me. But I went along with it. After all, I'd never had someone want to commit to me. I realize now that I was already starting to lose myself amongst all the eggshells he had me tip-toeing around on every day. Of course it didn't feel right - my gut (and all my friends and family) clearly told me it wasn't. He was showing me who he was right off the bat - unstable to say the least. Lesson learned. When they show you who they are, believe them.
Here began the decade-long rollercoaster ride from hell.
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